That's a Bad Idea

Rehoboam faced a dilemma we encounter every day:

Will we choose a soft or a sharp word?

When Jeroboam asked him to ease up their labor, the new king gave space for three days of counsel (2 Chronicles 10:3-5).

This was a wise first step for Solomon’s son. He had heard his father say, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:4).

But Rehoboam failed to remember that seeking counsel doesn’t guarantee a good decision. On its own, more time doesn’t improve the posture of the heart. He still needed God’s heart and wisdom to sift out between the words of the wise and the foolish. He had forgotten another one of his father’s lines: “The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving” (Proverbs 14:8).

The older counselors, who had spent years watching the ebbs and flows of the kingdom, saw it as an easy decision:

“If you will be good to this people and please them and speak good words to them, then they will be your servants forever.” (2 Chronicles 10:7)

With a gracious response, all the tension would go away.

But his childhood friends gave the opposite counsel:

“Thus shall you speak to the people … ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs. And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’” (2 Chronicles 10:10-11)

Because God wanted to turn the kingdom over to Jeroboam, Rehoboam listened to the bad idea of his friends. He doubled down on his father’s cruelty, gave a harsh reply, and then watched as a nation that would have followed a gracious king ran away from a tyrant.

Most crucially, Rehoboam had forgotten the lesson of his father:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

A harsh word is always a bad idea.

Like Rehoboam, we speak a harsh word because we perceive imaginary leverage. In the moment, the harsh word seems like a good idea because we are right, we are seeing things more clearly, we need to solidify our position, we have the authority, or we have been wronged. But all these fancied justifications fall down the moment we speak. We find, that in doubling down, we have only damaged a soul and doubled our woes—whereas a gracious answer would have turned it all into an easy affair.

Rehoboam learned it the hard way: it’s a bad idea to let a harsh word out of your lips, no matter how long you’ve stewed on it. A sharp word after three days of deliberation is as damaging as if it had been spoken without any thought at all.

When we face the dilemma of Rehoboam—the choice between a soft or sharp reply—the better answer always comes from the side of grace. This, after all, is how we were won over to our King. He should have given us scorpions because of our sins (cf. Luke 11:11-13). But instead, he called us daughters and sons (1 John 3:1).